When you crush the spirit of a woman who strives to be a Godly woman, you kill what she can do and be for you and for God.  When you leave her afraid and broken; unsure of her place with you in this world you damage her ability to be effective in any area.

Proverbs 15:4 - "Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit."

A woman's heart lives foremost and forever tied to your impression of her.  She lives as God made her; a nurturing and gentle hearted spirit that wants to please and do what God made her to do.

                        Is your heart an ocean so strong and deep,
                        I may launch my all on its tide?
                        A loving woman finds heaven or hell
                        On the day she becomes a bride.  Lena Lathrop

I Peter 3:7 – “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

When you invalidate her talents by your harsh thinking of her and/or your blunt words to her you invalidate her humanity as God made her.

When you speak harshly to her because you want her to be something other than what God made her to be, you hurt her heart, and she is much less capable of doing what she was meant to do.

Colossians 3:19 - “Husbands love your wives and do not speak harshly to them.”

Again…I Peter 3:7

When you take away the intimacy that God told you she needed, you make her feel less than a woman; less human; less valuable in every area of life...for she is tied forevermore through the strings of what makes her string cannot be easily separated from another.  She is damaged. If you shred her dignity; you break her in ways you may not be able to repair.

When you leave her wondering why; when you tell her to shut up and leave you alone you take away the purpose she was created for as a wife.  When you take away her voice by responding cruelly or by not focusing on her fully when she needs you, you take away the only way she has of defending her heart; of expressing her sorrows; you render her virtually helpless. For a woman has only her voice to defend her against the slings and arrows.

Colossians 3:19 - “Husbands love your wives and do not speak harshly to them.”

When you tell her no other women would do or be or say what she just did or was or said you make her feel alien in this world; you leave her crippled.

When you lie to her you shake her belief in people; for in her heart you are her shining knight and if YOU of all people would do this to her; then what does she have to tell her it is safe anywhere; where can she go and still hold her Christian virtue and find the comfort and safety she so needs?

Proverbs 12:22 – “Lying lips are abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly are his delight.”

When you seem irritated or bored with her she feels inadequate; this leads to feelings of inadequacy in all areas. 

When she goes to bed alone night after night you are in effect telling her that whatever you are doing instead of being with her is more important.  She looses her value in your eyes, and eventually in her own.

I Corinthians 7:3-5 – “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

When a woman who seeks after God is not given her place with her husband that God created her for, her spirit dies and she can become more of what the world might value; hard in her estimation of everything.  She becomes independent in ways that are not healthy...survival becomes her main goal, and the ways she may seek to survive most likely will not be in alignment with what God wants her to do. For there is only one way that God said is right and good, and if her strength and safety and compassion cannot be found with her husband she will die; maybe not physically, but most certainly in all ways that God holds dear. 

A husband is given a gift in a Godly wife.  If he throws her away by not treating her as God commanded he has killed her in every way that is good and valuable.

Where is the voice for women like this today?  Where is the courageous one who will speak for these women who are waiting for someone who will have the voice that has been taken so thoroughly from her?  

If you know a woman who has come to you and asked for help and you do nothing you are in essence calling her a liar and you are a coward! If none are so courageous and she rises up and speaks then DO NOT in your lack of courage silence her.

Galatians 6:1 - "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted."


I've been thinking about loyalty and true friendship lately, and as always I think of them in terms of Christianity.  What kind of friend am I...what kind of friends do I want...and what does God say on the matter.

The best example we have for friendship is how Jesus would have done it and DID do it, and that leads directly to John 15:13 - "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends". Jesus washed the disciples feet; He laid down His life... This teaches us that our friendship is not based solely on what someone can do or be for us, (and I say solely here because to have a mutual friendship we have to have a mutual interest or connection to BE mutual friends) but what kind of friend can we be to them. We are told not to be selfish, and this applies to friendship as well. Philippians 2:3 says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." A most excellent example!

We have all failed at being the right kind of friend in one way or another in our lives if we are honest about it. If we can correct it, do it...if time has taken away that particular opportunity, then let it be a lesson that we learn so we can go on and be a friend that we know our Father would be proud of.

I had my first hard lesson about friendship when I was in Junior High (yes, I am old enough that it was still called Junior High instead of Middle School). I was "friends" with a boy who sold drugs. I didn't KNOW that (I was a VERY naive young lady), but my school administrators did. One day those administrators came to me and told me that this boy was selling drugs to my little brother and sister who were in grade school...well, not TO them, but they were in danger. They asked me to buy drugs from him and bring them to the office if I wanted to save my little brother and sister. WOW, I didn't want my siblings to be in danger, so with my naive little self I did just what they told me to do. I was so PROUD to have saved them! What I learned the next day shaped my entire life...and to this day I cringe a little when I hear the word NARC. I got a quick education that in the world that was a VERY BAD THING TO BE! For the next 4 years I was taunted, spit on, my life threatened...EVERY place I went this type of thing came at me. I walked in the halls with that word chanted behind was a devastating time and I learned to NEVER show fear or upset as a survival tool. My parents had to follow me around at school for part of a year to make sure I was safe. Those things were horrible, but the worst thing of all was my "friends" all left me. We have to understand that kids can be cruel, and that peer pressure is HUGE at that it isn't the same as in the adult world as far as maturity goes..(well, sort of...) .but the effect was damaging all the same. The WORST part of it all was one day I came home to a note pinned to my front door. It was a POEM describing how bad I was and wrong I had been to the tune of Hello Dolly. I may not remember the exact words, but I remember the tune and the message was in short...we aren't your friends anymore...and it was signed by my "friends".

At THAT moment I understood how important loyalty in friendship was. At THAT moment I understood the damage that words could do. At THAT moment I felt ALONE. Yes, WORDS CAN hurt and damage and shape a human being. James 3:3-6 talks about the destruction that comes with our words...
3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal.4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
We should have loyalty as part of our friendships. Loyalty is a strong quality...the bible equates it to a relationship with a brother...(you know that concept..."I can pick on my brother, but don't let anyone else do it!!") Proverbs 18:24 - "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Loyalty is the glue that holds us together and in this world it is a rarity. How many of your acquaintances would you feel were completely loyal to you? This tells me that we may know a good number of people, but only trust your deepest thoughts with a true friend that has the quality of loyalty...and that doesn't come over takes beware of sharing too much too lightly as it will cause...well...ruin!

We learn more from the bible about friendships...Proverbs 17:17 - "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity". What does that MEAN? Well, I understand it to mean that a true friend will love us as we are...warts and all so to speak...but OUR responsibility is to be the same friend to them...accepting all their warts and to work to not be a friend who is bitter. We need to be able to communicate honestly and openly with kindness.

I took the following RIGHT out of a christian website I found called couldn't have said it better...
The scripture is from I Corinthians 13:4 - "Love is patient,love is does not envy"...If you feel smothered in a friendship, something is wrong. Likewise, if you feel used or abused, something is amiss. Recognizing what's best for someone and giving that person space are signs of a healthy relationship. We should never let a friend come between us and our spouse. A true Christian friend will wisely avoid intruding and recognize your need to maintain other relationships. ie: YOUR MARRIAGE! This is SO important to parents reminded my husband and I of Matthew 19:6 when we got married..."So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." This means NEITHER one of us are to put the other asunder either...and that includes friends...NO FRIEND SHOULD EVER INTERFERE WITH A MARRIAGE...IF THEY DO...THEY ARE NOT TRUE FRIENDS!! LIKEWISE...NO SPOUSE SHOULD EVER PUT A FRIEND ABOVE A MARRIAGE!!

and, finally...(If you have more I'd LOVE to hear it!) I have one more thing that relates to is found in Proverbs 27:6 - "Wounds from a friend can be trusted ..". If you have a true friend...IF that friend is indeed true and they see something that needs to come to your attention that would benefit you...listen to them...let them gently help you...and be the same for them...ONLY TRUE friends can do this...and should!



The silent treatment.  Yep, we all know what that is.  Have you ever been a victim of the silent treatment?  Have you ever inflicted this punishment on someone you love?  I bet we could all say yes to both at one time or another in our lives.  In either case it isn’t pleasant; and further it is wrong.

Silent treatment is actually in the dictionary.  The definition from Webster’s on line dictionary reads as follows.  NOTE the Antonyms at the bottom.

Definition of SILENT TREATMENT: an act of completely ignoring a person or thing by resort to silence especially as a means of expressing contempt or disapproval
Examples of SILENT TREATMENT<ever since our run-in at the party she's been giving me the silent treatment>
First Known Use of SILENT TREATMENT 1947 (NOTE: I might beg to differ here…J…I mean humans are humans…and the devil has no new tricks up his sleeve…so, MERELY my opinion, but I bet it’s a been goin on a LOT longer!)
Antonyms: open arms

In fact, look at all the related and opposite words.  It gives one a pretty clear picture.  The silent treatment is bad; not healthy; not kind; not gentle. The Antonyms give us the real picture of the destruction that the silent treatment can and does inflict on a person by forcing us to imagine what it is like to live without those good things.

I invite you to Google “silent treatment” and read through the thoughts associated.  I did just that this weekend and learned (as if we don’t already know) that the silent treatment is a form of abuse.  It has devastating effects on a person.  It causes physical pain, it causes depression, it causes a person to feel isolated and rejected.  Even by the world’s standards it is something that is seen as a wrong way to behave towards someone.  When you give someone you care for the silent treatment you are in effect saying “You aren’t worth my time”.  It is a selfish act; meant to only protect self at the expense of someone else.  In what universe is that ok?

The silent treatment is different than the cooling off period we all need from time to time.  But, when that “cooling off period” drags on for more than a day it becomes a sinful and destructive act.  In Ephesians 4:26-27  the inspired by God Paul wrote “In your anger do not sin.  Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”  I have heard the argument that this is not a literal phrase.  That we should look at the basic principle.  Let’s not even deal with the fact that those people who are looking to make it less REAL or less a responsibility for a person to get hold of themselves.  Let’s look at the Godly perspective here…the principle of the thing.  The first statement is clear…”in your anger do not sin.”  This shows us that when we are angry (the precursor to giving someone the silent treatment) we are to behave using Godly principles…we all know the scriptures about treating your brother with love.  Read  I Corinthians 13 for one.  If your behavior reflects the opposite of this you have your answer as to whether you are sinning against your brother or not.

The very next statement is “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry”.  WHY?...Because it will give the devil a foothold!  EVEN if you are or have heard the argument that one day is not literal and we can be angry for more than a day…the principle is still there.  If you are angry for long and you don’t resolve it the devil will have his much longed for foothold.  Just what is the collateral damage to giving someone the silent treatment, for letting the devil have a foothold.  Well, there are the devastations I mentioned above and further it is hurtful to a person’s core!  What is the first way a person usually reacts when they are hurt that badly?  What is one manifestation of hurt?  ANGER…yep, more anger.  The person inflicted with the punishment of the silent treatment from someone they love is first to FEEL hurt, rejected, ostracized, PUNISHED, and then, when it goes on this person can easily let that hurt be realized by ANGER! That is hurt turned outward!  And, then, you are not only dealing with the original cause of the silent treatment, but time has gone by and you begin to get angry and then all sorts of offenses from the past can creep in and it can destroy people if it goes unresolved!  WOW, after thinking about this would any of us want to let the sun go down on our anger and risk destruction of even more of a self, a relationship?  Is your pride so important to you that you would risk this?  And, for all those out there that say Paul is not talking about a literal day…hmmm…think back to when you were in a vulnerable state and someone you love shut you out of their lives for more than a day…How did that feel? Then, consider what the Godly Perspective is. 

If you still hold to your stubborn stance that YOU have a right because you are still angry, or what is the use I’ve heard it all before, or WHATEVER your excuse is to continue the silent treatment punishment on someone you care for consider Matthew 7:2 “For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure YOU use, it will be measured to you”  And, if there is anyone who reads this that does not believe that you are judging a person by giving them the silent treatment (OR EVEN A NEAR SILENT TREATMENT…COME ON…YOU GET THE POINT)…(stay with me here…this next part may sound confusing)  tell me what GODLY justification you can make for making someone feel as has been described if it isn’t sitting in judgment for something he/she did that you don’t agree with?  

I have to admit, I could find NO humor in this subject at this time…I apologize that it sounds so harsh.  It is a harsh subject.  I hope and pray that we can find the Godly Perspective; the Godly Principle in this and most definitely resolve to find more Godly; non-destructive ways to find resolution to our differences.  Matthew 18:35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless your forgive your brother from your heart”