THE BIRTH OF A SINGLE MOTHER

I didn't set out in life to become a single mother.  I didn't choose it. I set out, like so many girls of my time, getting married and then having children; expecting a life time of shared responsibility in the life my husband and I had agreed upon and chosen.  I didn't choose the events that caused me to become a single mother.  But, there it was.  It became my life; my existence, BAM...RIGHT THEN! SMALL children and just ME as mother AND father.  Talk about a shock to every dream, every thought, every plan I ever had in my life before.  AND, I didn't have the luxury of time to adjust...I had two children who needed me immediately!  I had to find a job, I had to find a place to live and figure EVERYTHING out IMMEDIATELY.  I was lucky enough to have parents who loved us all so much, who were there to LOVE US... THAT was a saving grace, THAT was a blessing.  However, that didn't quell the terror of what I saw in my life from that moment.  It was a BIG, HUGE, SCARY life that was ahead, and I would make no other choice.  You see, I LOVED my children with all my heart...
I felt horrible for them; for what THEIR lives had turned in to so quickly.  My heart was SO broken for them.

THAT was another thing that happened IMMEDIATELY.  When you have this happen and you have children, you don't have the luxury of curling up into a little ball and hiding from the world; taking time to heal from events.  Your life steps into overdrive IMMEDIATELY, and you have to fall apart on your own time; which is very limited.  YES, I struggled, I fell apart, at times even on THEIR time, bless their hearts.  STILL I had two little ones who needed me, so I kept getting back up and wiping my face and trying some more. IT IS NEVER THE FAULT OF A CHILD...that is something EVERY child of a single mom should know!!  I can't say that enough!!!

There are NO scriptures specifically from God speaking to single mothers.  That is because it was NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THAT WAY!  There are things He says to us when we need strength, when we are afraid, Isaiah 41:10 - So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand., when we want to give up Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. Deut. 31:6, when we are tired Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” , when we become widows I Timothy 5:3-6, when we are wives, Proverbs 31, when we are to be chaste Romans 13:13, so many scriptures for all of these things, but there is no handbook on being a single mother specifically.


I learned VERY QUICKLY that the married friends that I had went away.  The women began to feel jealous.  They didn't want their husbands around a woman who was now "free".  They were uncomfortable.  The church we were attending asked me not to come back because they didn't know if my divorce was "scriptural"; despite my assurances to the contrary.  They wanted PROOF.  And so, in my deepest time of need, I was also abandoned by my church.

I moved us to a small town where there was a christian college so I could get a degree and a job where I COULD take better care of my children, and was judged there also.  I spent years taking my kids to church there; EVERY time the doors were open, where people would get up and move away from me.  My experience was only one of judgement against me.  More uncomfortable fear on their part, for a circumstance I did not choose.  I learned to be defensive.  I learned that love of friends was not mine.There was no luxury of time and grace from others in those early years.  I took a full load in school, extra jobs on the side, and yet was still around for my children.  I still did not have the luxury of "healing". There was little time for that.

What I have learned all these years later is that I will always be a single mother.  Those years alone with my children were HARD, they were LONELY, and, for me, it cemented, even MORE, my love and care for my children.  It was just US together; through thick and thin.  I will always have a fierce love for them; beyond anything I can even understand.  We lived all that together, and so, for me, they are MINE...my beautiful children.  It became very important to me that people knew they were mine.  That is a side effect of the life I was thrown in to.  I had no one else in my daily life, so they became even MORE important to me.  We had struggled together, they were MINE.  It shaped my personality then, as most horrific events do to people.  That is a burden I have...this fierce feeling.  I pray that children of a GODLY single mother understand that side effect, and are gentle in their love of their mother. She needs your understanding and grace now that you are grown with lives of your own!
Ephesians 6:1 - 3 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 
Proverbs 23:22 Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.

I did not marry again until both my children had left home.  I married a man I dated for many years, but didn't really make a life past my single mother dynamic until many years later.  This is probably why I still feel like a single mother.  It is through no fault of my dear husband.

And now, the story today.  HERE is where a person can live in their heart if they love the Lord as I truly do.  I have come to understand that I did my very best!  Both my children are alive and well, with lives of their own.  They have happy times and struggles just like all of us do, but they didn't turn into murderers, or criminals or anything horrible. (like I was told they would when I was in college...the statistics, I was told, for children of a single mother weren't good) I know that one day, when their lives hold things important to them and they have experiences that will bring to light what it was like for us back then, that they may understand with a loving heart who their mother is.  I hope that they can appreciate that I DID do my VERY BEST for them.  I think they will.  BUT, I will continue my journey and feel proud that I gave them an understanding of the Lord, that He loves them so very much.  I may not ever be rich, but they can be if they choose.  I may not ever have what they may come to have, but I gave them a chance to live that life if they choose it.  I may not ever have  a lot of things...but I will have the knowledge that in a most devastating time I did my best and have NEVER, NEVER regretted taking them and loving them and raising them.  It was without question, my favorite thing I have ever accomplished!  I  KNOW I couldn't have done it without God.

SO for you kids out there of single mothers, PLEASE be kind in your thinking of them.  PLEASE try to understand that they love you so much, and they gave everything for you in the best way THEY could in the face of the most horrible of times...Give them grace, and please, NEVER replace them in your hearts with someone you WISH you had.  If you can, forgive them for not being EVERYTHING you might have deserved, please understand they were humans too; with needs and dreams and wishes and wants who did the best they could in a situation that God didn't plan for them!  I pray all of you children of single mothers had a mother that loved you as fiercely as I did and DO, my two.  If you didn't, I pray your lives are good now.   We can all learn to love and grow with God no matter what our circumstances may be.  THAT is the BEST HAPPY ENDING OF ALL!

I Peter 2: 1-25 (excerpt) So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation— if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good. As you come to Him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious, you yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.

GOD BLESS!