THE ANATOMY OF AN APOLOGY

There is a picture here behind the words...do you see her?  Very distraught to the point of not feeling able to speak. It brings a feeling of sincerity in this apology does it not? Is this enough, just to say sorry?  It brings to the imagination of what she could have done that left her unable to speak the words, how devastated she looks. It makes me want to just hug her! Is her sorry enough?

Apologies. We've all been on both sides of that coin I would imagine.  We've all done and said things that we needed to apologize for, and we've all had someone do or not do something that caused us harm that needed to be apologized for.  It is the human condition; failing each other in one way or another.  We all understand this condition. And, I will add, we usually know when we have done something or failed to do something that hurt someone. Psalm 51:3 "For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.  David said it so clearly.  For the most part we know when we need to make things right with someone.


What makes an apology work?  Is it merely up to the recipient to accept it at face value and go on?  Is there something more that helps to heal the wounds that made the apology necessary in the first place?

I found this on a google search.  There are those who say there are six steps to make a good apology.  This one has the bare bones.  We can start with "Im Sorry".  As I asked above, is this enough?  If we just say the words, are we conveying to the injured person that we understand what we did to hurt the injured one? This is important because the injured one is wondering will it happen again, does he/she really understand just what they did to hurt me?  It is also important the facial expression and tone of voice used to apologize.  If the "I'm sorry" is said under the breath or worse, in an angry tone, that conveys anger at "having" to apologize. It does not seem real, it isn't real.

The second step is important because it tells that we are taking responsibility for the injury.  THIS is very important so as not to lay blame to the injured party.  How many times have we heard "I'm sorry, BUT...".  I love the quote from Ben Franklin “Never ruin an apology with an excuse.” That is not an I'm sorry at all. This second step is also very important because the injured person needs to know, again, if the perpetrator really understands what was done to injure! If there is no clear understanding of just what was done to injure what on earth will insure that it won't happen again?

Third is the correction.  It must not be ignored!  If the third step is not followed then how does the injured person know of the sincerity?  Asking what can be done to make the injury right again.  Being ready and willing to make it right! This is a further statement that the perpetrator is taking responsibility and is so sincere they want to correct the situation to make it right.

There is biblical principal to this as we read in  Matthew 5:23-24 "So, what if you are offering your gift at the altar and remember that someone has something against you? Leave your gift there and go make peace with that person.  Then come and offer your gift."  This tells me how important it is to make thing right with the person that has been hurt. The perpetrator of the offense does not have the right to decide if the offense was important enough for an apology, a 3 step apology.

Being sorry, really sorry, is a powerful thing.  It can heal hearts and mend lives that are broken from the offense.  James 5:16 "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The earnest prayer of a righteous person produces wonderful results." When a soul sees the damage done to another and is truly repentant, much growth can occur.  I remember the story of the prodigal son and his repentance.  He did not expect anything from his Father but just hoped to be like a servant.  Look at David who committed adultery AFTER having Bathsheba's husband killed.  Read his beautiful prayer, asking for forgiveness of God in Psalm 51.  Notice the detail he goes into so that God can hear he understands his guilt.

It might be easy to apologize quickly and go on with life...until the same infraction occurs and the same hurts are heaped on a soul.  The second, third and so on time the same thing is done to a person chips more and more from the injured souls and it makes it harder and harder for them to believe in the apology; the apology given with no intent to change the hurtful, damaging behavior.  CHANGE is so important.  Once it has been made right, to continue in the same behavior is proof that the "sorry" so poorly and quickly given was not real.

I am reminded of a story I may have recounted before, but it is so clear HOW we need to change our behavior after a heartfelt apology is given.  I may not have all the details exactly right, but this is the story as I remember. When I was a girl my grandfather lent a car to a fellow church member who used the car and then the church friend stole it. Years later he came and found my grandfather and so sincerely apologized, with much heart...and, then, promptly got back in my grandfather's car and drove away. You see how a sorry can even sound sincere, but if behavior has not changed, it is worthless?

For our christian brothers and sisters apologizing and making things right will be the glue that helps us stay unified as Paul preached so often.  Why not take the time, and humble self if an apology, a sincere apology, is warranted.  What a beautiful gift after a hurt has happened! And, forgiveness...those injured souls need to be ready to forgive if asked. But, that is for another day!

GOD BLESS