I am an "activist" for God. By that term I simply mean I will stand up for Him even if I stand alone. He doesn't NEED me. But, He WANTS me. He wants all of us. He loves all of us! When I found Proverbs 31:8-9 things made sense to me... "Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy." Isaiah 1:17 "Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause." Psalm 82:3 "Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute." Yikes, there are a million of verses like these!
As I child I remember thinking "If I just had the RIGHT words this (meaning whatever thing was going on that was scary or yucky) wouldn't be happening. It seemed to start out with me recognizing injustice in my own life. Oops, the birth of a girl who learned to find her words. I don't remember much before junior high (as it was called way back when). Nothing all that traumatic happened to me, I've just not always stored information from awhile ago. It seems my brain mostly focuses on recent activities and things I need to survive. But I do remember getting my sea legs in junior high when I decided to pass around a petition to eliminate Algebra from the curriculum. Yep, that one didn't go far, though some teachers signed it! So, a little win!
I learned about the ugly side of life when my principal asked me to buy drugs from a friend as he told me this boy was selling them to my little brother and sister. I believe it was 9th grade, but it may have been sooner. Up until then I believe I was largely innocent and didn't understand much about the ugly side of life. So, I did what I was told; thinking I had saved my younger siblings, but it set off a fire storm in my life and that of my family that shaped me, that began in me a fire to stand up for those who are mistreated. It began the very next morning when I went to school and was met with droves; hordes of students following me down the hallway screaming and chanting "NARC, NARC, NARC!!!". There were death threats, and kids chasing me with sticks. It was bad. I didn't know that word before then. I didn't know total fear until then. My parents went to school to watch over me in those beginning days and weeks. It also went beyond school. If these kids saw me in the world they would chant and chase me...one time they spit on the window of our car when we were waiting for my parents at the store. My life changed then. For the next 4 years there was more of this; though after some years it wasn't as constant.
I never said one word in my defense, I never showed fear. I just stared ahead and tried to pretend it wasn't happening. I even acted normal so they wouldn't think they were hurting me. Everything I did that WORD, that horrible WORD was in the back of my mind. At a time when a young person is forming their interests and making choices for the future I was held back from fear of hearing that word and being threatened such that I chose things that were solitary and not in the lime light. Except for one time, one glorious time when I was in a play; well, I performed one act of a play. I wanted it so bad. But, I remember on the night of the performance as I was doing my best to perform I was watching out in the darkness waiting for that word that had been branded to my very being to be yelled out. God was there, that WORD wasn't, and I had that night. We won a prize that night. Again, those words I had somehow thought when I was small came to me. "If I knew just the RIGHT words to say this would stop". I know it isn't always true, but as a child and a young teen I thought them.
That is when I began to understand the destruction of others that people can inflict with ugly words and behaviors. THAT is when I decided I was going to never be that vulnerable again, and I would find the right words to help myself and others who are hurt and alone and afraid. It hadn't translated over to God yet, but the birth of a new person was happening. A new, stronger girl to be woman, a fierce protector. I would find those good words.
I also began to understand that being like everyone else wasn't all that great. Being mean in a crowd was not what I wanted to be. I didn't know it, but God was forming me from tragedy even then. I didn't know this scripture then, but I do now.
I went on to be an activist in those things that catch a person's attention in college...I had to wear dresses when going to Harding Christian College in Searcy, Arkansas (as it was called back then), and it was cold and the boys would say stuff. SO, I took my concerns to the president, I wrote letters and I made my plea for all the girls...and the policy was changed. That back then was a heady feeling. I felt strong. I still didn't understand how I would become an activist for God...but I was learning a process. Learn the right words and they will listen if your cause is just!
Even as an adult going BACK to college at York Christian College (as it was called back then) and making a plea for all the working single moms that we couldn't go to chapel AND work AND be there for our kids AND take a full load. I pleaded that we loved God or we would not be there, but we had only so much time in a day, and please help us achieve our goal to get a degree so we could raise our kiddos! I wrote letters and made friends with the president of the college and made my plea, AND, the policy was changed. AND, yet, STILL it was more about finite things than the issues of the soul. BUT, the pattern of HOW to make changes was born and solid.
I think I was learning that if something is so very important we can use our voice and our good actions to effect a change. What was cemented into my soul that going along with the majority could become mob mentality so often and it was dangerous and it even hurt or killed people. Even if people stand for a good cause, if the behavior excludes someone or hurts someone who sincerely wants to be a part of a good thing, it is not what God had in mind! I was getting more solid and stronger in that feeling. NOW, what happened next helped me to find my way closer to the God who had loved me all along and was using my hardships to find a way to be there in Him and with Him.
I lost my son to the world. There is a HUGE piece of the story that is too much to say, but today, as it stands I do not know where he is, or if he is even alive. This has been YEARS and YEARS of heart torture, and trying literally EVERYTHING and ANYTHING I could think of to help him. I used everything I knew, I had become stronger in the Lord and I knew He was with me. I tried to get help from the church, but honestly they just didn't know how to help in these matters. I began to see what we needed as a church to be there for others, but often they are so busy with so much, folks fall into the cracks. As such was true with my son. It took a very long time to understand no matter how much of an activist I was, or what I had learned to do to affect a change, sometimes, because of free will, there was no good answer no win as we understand a win, just an opportunity to learn from the heartache and grow closer to God. Trust in God, not my own understanding.
Today, I am still trying to get there, where my God wants me to be. I'm still an activist who will try to help those who are hurting or left out or alone in their fear. Even if it is me, and that is OK as I am all important to God too! I will still speak out and plead my case with God in my heart to try to affect a change. I've tried recently to get a group to understand that with just a small change of behavior some folks wouldn't be left out. It backfired, as some attempts do. I was called selfish and a trouble maker. I've gone over my words over and over and over, and I know my heart, and it was only a plea for me and for some who are like me. I didn't say anything mean or hateful, just tried to get folks to see. So, things don't always go the way we would want; we activists. BUT, if we keep the right godly attitude, we leave it to Him and we keep the love that motivated us in the first place and we pray for those who may not see how they are leaving some out or exercising their personal liberties at the expense of others. I can only leave this particular set of words with these two scriptures. Paul writing to the church at Philippi: Philippians 1:27 "Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel," and 1 Corinthians 8:13 (and looking at the spirit of this) "Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother or sister to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause them to fall."
I'm still growing and learning and desiring sincerely to be what my God wants me to be, and my life will continue to be so, but in my journey thus far, I have come to understand if we stand silent while there is suffering and hurt, we become part of the mob and not part of the good solution.
God Bless
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