The Birth of an Activist for God

I didn't start out to be that girl; that woman who is "ALWAYS stirring things up". (as some might say). I didn't start out being an activist of sorts.  I don't think I would have chosen as a child to have the life I have, because it is sometimes heart breaking and lonely.  I don't really want to feel alone in a cause. But, if I look closely at my heart, and we jump to the end, I wouldn't want to be any different.

I am an "activist" for God.  By that term I simply mean I will stand up for Him even if I stand alone.  He doesn't NEED me.  But, He WANTS me. He wants all of us.  He loves all of us! When I found Proverbs 31:8-9 things made sense to me... "Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy."       Isaiah 1:17 "Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause."       Psalm 82:3 "Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute." Yikes, there are a million of verses like these!  

As I child I remember thinking "If I just had the RIGHT words this (meaning whatever thing was going on that was scary or yucky) wouldn't be happening.  It seemed to start out with me recognizing injustice in my own life.  Oops, the birth of a girl who learned to find her words.  I don't remember much before junior high (as it was called way back when).  Nothing all that traumatic happened to me, I've just not always stored information from awhile ago.  It seems my brain mostly focuses on recent activities and things I need to survive. But I do remember getting my sea legs in junior high when I decided to pass around a petition to eliminate Algebra from the curriculum.  Yep, that one didn't go far, though some teachers signed it!  So, a little win!

I learned about the ugly side of life when my principal asked me to buy drugs from a friend as he told me this boy was selling them to my little brother and sister.  I believe it was 9th grade, but it may have been sooner. Up until then I believe I was largely innocent and didn't understand much about the ugly side of life.  So, I did what I was told; thinking I had saved my younger siblings, but it set off a fire storm in my life and that of my family that shaped me, that began in me a fire to stand up for those who are mistreated. It began the very next morning when I went to school and was met with droves; hordes of students following me down the hallway screaming and chanting "NARC, NARC, NARC!!!".  There were death threats, and kids chasing me with sticks.  It was bad.  I didn't know that word before then.  I didn't know total fear until then.  My parents went to school to watch over me in those beginning days and weeks. It also went beyond school.  If these kids saw me in the world they would chant and chase me...one time they spit on the window of our car when we were waiting for my parents at the store.  My life changed then.  For the next 4 years there was more of this; though after some years it wasn't as constant.

I never said one word in my defense, I never showed fear.  I just stared ahead and tried to pretend it wasn't happening. I even acted normal so they wouldn't think they were hurting me.  Everything I did that WORD, that horrible WORD was in the back of my mind.  At a time when a young person is forming their interests and making choices for the future I was held back from fear of hearing that word and being threatened such that I chose things that were solitary and not in the lime light.  Except for one time, one glorious time when I was in a play; well, I performed one act of a play.  I wanted it so bad.  But, I remember on the night of the performance as I was doing my best to perform I was watching out in the darkness waiting for that word that had been branded to my very being to be yelled out.  God was there, that WORD wasn't, and I had that night.  We won a prize that night.  Again, those words I had somehow thought when I was small came to me.  "If I knew just the RIGHT words to say this would stop".  I know it isn't always true, but as a child and a young teen I thought them.

That is when I began to understand the destruction of others that people can inflict with ugly words and behaviors.  THAT is when I decided I was going to never be that vulnerable again, and I would find the right words to help myself and others who are hurt and alone and afraid.  It hadn't translated over to God yet, but the birth of a new person was happening.  A new, stronger girl to be woman, a fierce protector.  I would find those good words.

I also began to understand that being like everyone else wasn't all that great.  Being mean in a crowd was not what I wanted to be.  I didn't know it, but God was forming me from tragedy even then.  I didn't know this scripture then, but I do now.

what that verse actually says is "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light." ... You are royal priests, a holy nation, God's very own possession."  THERE was my reason to be an activist.  To stand up for God and those who are hurt and alone because being chosen by GOD is a wonderful place to be.  Everyone should feel this safe, to feel this included, to feel this blessed!

I went on to be an activist in those things that catch a person's attention in college...I had to wear dresses when going to Harding Christian College in Searcy, Arkansas (as it was called back then), and it was cold and the boys would say stuff.  SO, I took my concerns to the president, I wrote letters and I made my plea for all the girls...and the policy was changed.  That back then was a heady feeling.  I felt strong.  I still didn't understand how I would become an activist for God...but I was learning a process.  Learn the right words and they will listen if your cause is just! 

Even as an adult going BACK to college at York Christian College (as it was called back then) and making a plea for all the working single moms that we couldn't go to chapel AND work AND be there for our kids AND take a full load. I pleaded that we loved God or we would not be there, but we had only so much time in a day, and please help us achieve our goal to get a degree so we could raise our kiddos!  I wrote letters and made friends with the president of the college and made my plea, AND, the policy was changed.  AND, yet, STILL it was more about finite things than the issues of the soul.  BUT, the pattern of HOW to make changes was born and solid.

I think I was learning that if something is so very important we can use our voice and our good actions to effect a change.  What was cemented into my soul that going along with the majority could become mob mentality so often and it was dangerous and it even hurt or killed people.  Even if people stand for a good cause, if the behavior excludes someone or hurts someone who sincerely wants to be a part of a good thing, it is not what God had in mind!  I was getting more solid and stronger in that feeling.  NOW, what happened next helped me to find my way closer to the God who had loved me all along and was using my hardships to find a way to be there in Him and with Him.

I lost my son to the world. There is a HUGE piece of the story that is too much to say, but today, as it stands I do not know where he is, or if he is even alive.  This has been YEARS and YEARS of heart torture, and trying literally EVERYTHING and ANYTHING I could think of to help him. I used everything I knew, I had become stronger in the Lord and I knew He was with me.  I tried to get help from the church, but honestly they just didn't know how to help in these matters.  I began to see what we needed as a church to be there for others, but often they are so busy with so much, folks fall into the cracks.  As such was true with my son.  It took a very long time to understand no matter how much of an activist I was, or what I had learned to do to affect a change, sometimes, because of free will, there was no good answer  no win as we understand a win, just an opportunity to learn from the heartache and grow closer to God.  Trust in God, not my own understanding. 

Today, I am still trying to get there, where my God wants me to be.  I'm still an activist who will try to help those who are hurting or left out or alone in their fear.  Even if it is me, and that is OK as I am all important to God too! I will still speak out and plead my case with God in my heart to try to affect a change.  I've tried recently to get a group to understand that with just a small change of behavior some folks wouldn't be left out.  It backfired, as some attempts do.  I was called selfish and a trouble maker.  I've gone over my words over and over and over, and I know my heart, and it was only a plea for me and for some who are like me.  I didn't say anything mean or hateful, just tried to get folks to see.  So, things don't always go the way we would want; we activists.  BUT, if we keep the right godly attitude, we leave it to Him and we keep the love that motivated us in the first place and we pray for those who may not see how they are leaving some out or exercising their personal liberties at the expense of others.  I can only leave this particular set of words with these two scriptures.  Paul writing to the church at Philippi: Philippians 1:27 "Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel," and 1 Corinthians 8:13 (and looking at the spirit of this) "Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother or sister to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause them to fall." 

I'm still growing and learning and desiring sincerely to be what my God wants me to be, and my life will continue to be so, but in my journey thus far, I have come to understand if we stand silent while there is suffering and hurt, we become part of the mob and not part of the good solution.

God Bless

WOLVES IN SHEEPS CLOTHING

Matthew 7:15-23 "Beware of false prophets who come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves."

 ¹⁶ By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? ¹⁷ Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. ¹⁸ A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. ¹⁹ Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. ²⁰ Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

Wolves disguised as sheep. Ravenous wolves.We might be feeling safe in our home congregation because we don't have any of those in our midst. We might be feeling that we know the scripture well enough that when someone comes and distorts it we will know. 

I have been studying this topic because I was once one of many who felt I understood what a wolf in sheeps clothing might look like.  I began to dig deeper.  Are the wolves spoken of in Matthew 7 just those who might come in obviously with teachings contrary to scripture?   Do they just feed false doctrine?  Do they perhaps have other motives, other ways to deceive? I've been studying and I think we need to look more closely. 

What does a wolf do in the midst of sheep?  He tries to hurt them, do damage, eat them up.  His nature is one of deceipt so he may walk among the flock freely seeking perhaps the weakest or most vulnerable first. He wants to do damage for his own needs, his own gain. Is a wolf a big obvious monster that always acts mean and destructively so that we can see him/her? Do we immediately see his/her destructive fruits?

2 Corinthians 11:13-15 " For such people are false apostles, deceitful workers, masquerading as apostles of Christ. ¹⁴ And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. ¹⁵ It is not surprising, then, if his servants also masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve."

Satan is beautiful. He is crafty and sneaky.  He is a liar. He wants to get you for his own purposes. He will do or say anything to lead you toward him.He wants to mess with you, to show you ways that seem good but are contrary to scripture so you will give up on God, or slowly leave from discouragement. So, are wolves only those folks that speak their own version of scripture in the pulpit so we can all see them, or could they be folks who are in our midst who are living a lie, who hurt others for their own desires? Who go after folks who may be vulnerable or weak or unsuspecting to suit their own needs which ultimately drives away the good, or damages them?  Isn't that taking what God has asked of us to live (in scripture) and perverting it to suit their own agendas?  Isn't that living; teaching, something that is false and contrary to what God has asked of us?  

2 Timothy 4:3 "For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear."

Can you not just hear satan saying, "come on, just do it, after all it isn't a total sin, we are ok". Can't you just hear him pulling you away from what God has said and distorting it for his own end result?  He wants you, he uses every method he can to lure you away from what is true and good and godly.  He isn't just standing up in the pulpit misquoting scripture.  He is that person in the congregation who is living a lie, who is not swayed by the authority of our leaders; our elders, who secretly lives and hurts and destroys those from his own church family to serve his own needs and wants and desires.  THOSE are wolves in sheeps clothing.  They are dangerous for us and we need to do something about them so they will not eat half the flock before anyone notices!

2 Peter 2:1 " But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord who bought them—bringing swift destruction on themselves."

Even the world knows what a wolf is for our application: "A wolf in sheeps clothing is an idiom of Biblical origin used to describe those playing a role contrary to their real character with whom contact is dangerous, particularly false teachers.  Much later the idiom has been applied to zoologists to varying kinds of predatory behavior." 

Colossians 2:8 "Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ."

Could this be referring to someone who wants you to do something that, according to the world, may not be wrong, but to God it is?  Could this apply to many scenarios?  Could it be a man luring a woman to be with him inappropriately...just short of sex? Could it be someone encouraging you to smoke pot because it is legal in this state? and before we get on that, please consider 
Galations 5:19-21 "Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: ^[a]adultery, ^[b]fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, ²⁰ idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, ²¹ envy, ^[c]murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God." That word sorcery is from the original Greek word pharmakia which refers to drugs that change your mind; consciousness, perceptions. Could it be to encourage you to hang out in a bar but maybe not drink much?  We are to abstain the very appearance of evil. 1 Thessalonians 5:22. The scenarios could go on, but I believe I've made a point here.  These things are designed to serve a human need that could drive you further and further from God...remember we are called not to lean on our own human understanding...Proverbs 3:5-6

We need to find those wolves in sheeps clothing and...Ephesians 5:11 " And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather ^[a]expose them."

How do we recognize wolves in sheeps clothing?  I was reading an excellent article on line that laid it out clearly and with scriptures. Crosswalk.com  5 Ways to Recognize "A Wolf in Sheeps Clothing" by Debbie McDaniel

It starts by making a very clear statement:  "Know the real and you will know what is false"

1.WATCH OUT -   She quotes Matthew 7:15 again and also 1 Corinthians 16:13 "Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong" We are to live our lives aware. We have God behind us!

2. KNOW THE REAL AND YOU WILL KNOW THE FAKE. -  Matthew 7:16 "you will recognize them by their fruits" I must caution you here...we have to start out by watching...remember those who live lives of lies are not always easy to spot at first, but eventually we will know them by their fruits.

3.  KNOW GOD'S WORD AND YOU WILL KNOW WHEN IT IS BEING TWISTED AND MANIPULATED. -  2 Corinthians 11:14-15 as was quoted above. This article goes on to say:  "sometimes deception may be hidden well, manipulated and cunning, for the Bible makes it clear that even satan disguises himself as light.  If we don't know His truth we will never know we are being manipulated. Meditate on God's words.  Guard them in your heart.  Psalm 119:11 "I have hidden Your word in my heart that I might not sin against You."

4.  TRUST THE DISCERNMENT AND WISDOM OF GOD'S SPIRIT LIVING THROUGH YOUR LIFE. - John 16:13 " When the Spirit of truth comes, He will guide you into all the truth." We were warned ahead of time about false prophets Matthew 24:23-25.  We need to be prepared, we need to be watching!

5.  SURROUND YOURSELF WITH OTHER BELIEVERS YOU KNOW AND TRUST - read
2 Peter 3:3 "Knowing this...scoffers will come in the last days with scoffing, following their own sinful desires." We need fellow Christians we know and trust that they are in the word and following God's plan, not the plans of men, of those who might be among us who are living lies.  Use caution who you listen to, who you associate with and believe...KNOW the Word!

Who is charged to take care of the flock against wolves?  Our shepherds.  Our Elders.  
Acts 20:25-31 Paul calls for them to watch over the flock against savage wolves. in reference to seekers to destroy Jude 4 "For certain individuals whose condemnation was written about^[a] long ago have secretly slipped in among you. They are ungodly people, who pervert the grace of our God into a license for immorality and deny Jesus Christ our only Sovereign and Lord." 

This would indicate that our shepherds need to KNOW each member of their flock so they can discern and watch over us...find any wolves who may have come in among us. They need to know each of us, and need to hear if one comes to them with concerns for another who may be harming those in the flock! This is a heavy responsibility, so we need to help our elders.

These are just some of the thoughts I had concerning wolves in sheeps clothing.  I'm sure there is much more, but I hope we are encouraged to get in the word and study for ourselves so that we can be ready to keep our flock safe!

GOD BLESS

A Study of Abuse...(it is more than hitting)

Abuse. A very scary and hard subject to approach.  I put a photo of a woman here, because I AM a woman, but I want everyone to understand that both men AND women can be guilty of abuse. This is another topic I wish was preached on, though I suspect many would be uncomfortable at the content. I understand this is hard, but, again, necessary.  We all know of someone who is being abused by someone, whether we see it or not, it is happening.  I promise you! Look at this woman. This is a good visual to describe how someone being abused often feels. Alone, isolated, hopeless, fearful, lost...

Psalm 11:5 "The LORD examines the righteous, but the wicked, those who love violence, He hates with a passion." God hates violence.  We hate violence.  There are many forms of violence.  Would you think threats of violence would fall into this category?  INTENT to:  hit, create fear of, control, and hurt in any way is a violence of spirit and mind and sometimes, body.  

James 1:19-20 " My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,  because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires."

We are called to be angry and sin not. Ephesians 4:26 "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry," Why do you think we are not to let the sun go down on our anger? the next verse says it "and do not give the devil a foothold.…".  Staying angry is dynamite for people embroiled in an abusive situation.  Ecclesiastes 8:11 illustrates this as well..."Because sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil." this has to do with God's patience as I understand it, but the principle is true.  When there is a delay in dealing with a situation, it is an encouragement to those who are doing wrong to continue in it as they see no consequences.

When I was married to my first husband I woke up one morning to find him standing over my bed with a gun in his hand.  He merely said to me "I could have killed you in your sleep if I'd wanted to." Another time he told me he would do anything to hurt my children as long as it hurt me.  He was a pathological liar.  He was extremely verbally and emotionally abusive.  At the end of our marriage which was about the time he threatened my children, he was caught by police at midnight in a town 45 minutes from our home in his car with two underage girls.  These events all culminated in the end of our marriage.  He never hit me. He never hit my children.  Would you think what he did was abusive?  In case there is anyone out there that might hesitate on that question I will give you a resounding YES IT WAS ABUSIVE!

I am writing on this subject to bring to light in our community what abuse is.  I also tell you that you most likely will never see an abuser being abusive in an overt way.  They are excellent at making sure the destruction they create is hidden.  An abusive person will most likely appear to be an upstanding citizen, making it look like things are great. If you pay attention to a person you feel could be abused you will see tel tale signs.  There are many, and they often are fleeting, but they are there.  It takes close observation. You might see a sad face when it appears no one is looking. You might see inconsistent behavior.  You might see anger that doesn't seem to fit. Overcompensating is another sign. Too busy to be still.  There are so many ways a person reacts in public when dealing with abuse. We are called to unity as a family.  Do we not know our physical family well enough to know when one of our loved ones are not acting like themselves?  We should also pay attention to our church family, our friends who we encounter often as well.

One of the worst things one can do when told of an abusive situation is to say "there are two sides to every story".  That phrase, though true in the purest sense, is a very damaging thing one can say.  It is a way of telling an already sensitive soul that has come to ask for help or say their truth that their word is not enough.  They have already most likely been told in so many ways by their abuser that what they have to say and what they feel is not important.  DO NOT SAY THAT.  DO NOT THINK THAT!  It is not anyone's job to judge the validity of what someone brings, but to act with love and compassion and find out what can be done to help. Philippians 2:4 "Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Galations 6:2 "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." We are called to be there for each other.

Let's break this apart a little more.  Let's continue with what God wants of us as a christian people, as people.  We are called to unity in so many places.  Look at 1 Corinthians 1:10, Ephesians 4:11-13, 
Colossians 3:13-14,  John 17:23, Psalm 133:1, 1 Peter 3:8, 1 John 4:12, Ephesians 4:3.  We get the picture here that God wants us unified in thought, treating each other with love.  Can we be unified when there is abuse going on?  Can we be of the same mind? Is it good for the entire family when someone is suffering alone?  Can anyone be the servants God has called us to be when attention is divided so dramatically?

Abuse is so much more than hitting, as I said.  Hitting can be seen; bruises, flinching at a persons quick upraised hand even in conversation.  Hiding from everyone. It is easier to spot than verbal and/or emotional abuse. (By the way these two go hand in hand)  It is horrible, it is damaging.  Calling someone stupid, or saying their feelings are wrong or unnecessary is abuse. Making light of anyone's feelings is wrong. It is dismissive and sends a message that the fellow human is not important. This is devastating to live through!

Let no unwholesome word proceed out of your mouth, but only that which is good for building up, that it may give grace to the listeners. Ephesians 4:29

(name calling is making oneself seem more important than the abused one) Romans 12:3 "For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you."  

Making fun of a person to make yourself laugh is abusive.  Proverbs 21:23-24 "Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble. “Scoffer” is the name of the arrogant, haughty man who acts with arrogant pride."

Throwing someone under the bus in front of others (all to make the abuser look innocent at the abused's expense) is abuse, 

NOT TALKING to the abused for lengthy periods of time after an argument is abuse.  (it is a form of control to relieve self of dealing with consequences of abusive behavior) 

Gasslighting is abuse (using psychological tactics to make someone question their sanity)...let me be clear on that...when a person has figured something out about the abusers behavior and the abuser questions them, making them seem silly or wrong or tells them they are imagining things, or calling their behavior controlling, is a form of gasslighting...so it is much more than the film Gaslight of 1944.  It is common behavior of an abuser. It is an attempt to take the focus off of the abuser's behavior and make the abused feel guilty so they will stop trying to understand what is happening. 

Abuse in itself holds seeds in selfishness.  When one puts self over the needs of a loved one it deprives that loved one of essential human rights in so many cases, that is abuse. It also destroys oneness as was discussed in a previous post. James 3:16 "For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice."

Tearing someone down to lift up self is abuse. Is that not what happened to Jesus in the worst way? He fulfilled a prophecy and had control, however, the abusive, selfish behaviors of those who killed Him and let Him die was on them!! Fear that leads to destruction of another, selfishness, need for control...all seeds, all sin, all damnable.

Galations 5:19-21 gives us some answers about what is not OK with God. "The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; ²⁰ idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions ²¹ and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God."

Our responsibility to folks in this situation is clear. We are to be there for one another.  Believe the person that comes to you, if they do.  Tell them you are there to help in any way they need.  Do NOT take an initiative without talking to them first.  Often the simplest thing can make things worse for them, so let them have the control over what happens.  Remember control has been taken away from them, often over their own most basic human rights, so giving them total control over decisions is a gift, and necessary to build confidence and trust in themselves first, and you second.  Only in cases when you see their life is in danger should you step in without their consent. 

When my parents came to get my children and myself after my first marriage was over and brought us home it was not long before I was visited by members of our home congregation.  They wanted to have all the details of my experience and wanted to know what I was doing.  They tried to take control of my life even before I had all the answers.  I told them I could not answer them with details at that time.  I did tell them that my soul was OK to give them some clarity.  I was told not to return to that congregation if I was not going to share the details.  In a short time my children and I were on our own (we were blessed with our physical family, but our lives had drastically changed and it was frightening) and without a church home. 

The "end" of this story is I had a choice.  I could be bitter or I could choose to grow.  It took awhile to learn all I needed to in order to go on in a healthy way, and without support of a church family, but with God I did go on and I chose to grow and I chose to stay close to God, and yes, we did find another church home.  This is an illustration of why it is not good to take someone's control over their own life choices away from them.  Love them, be there for them, help them as they try to grow, even if it is to stay in a situation.  It is their choice, and no man has a right to make it for them.  Who knows but what they were made for a time such as this.  Who knows the effect they might have on someone through the growth God can give.  Strength is the beautiful blessing that comes from living through experiences and things I have shared here.  It is empowerment that God gives as a gift to those who choose to grow.

It is my sincere hope that these tough things I have spoken about will help to educate and enlighten all of us so that when we are called to serve someone in such a manner, we might be ready!

GOD BLESS!

THE ANATOMY OF AN APOLOGY

There is a picture here behind the words...do you see her?  Very distraught to the point of not feeling able to speak. It brings a feeling of sincerity in this apology does it not? Is this enough, just to say sorry?  It brings to the imagination of what she could have done that left her unable to speak the words, how devastated she looks. It makes me want to just hug her! Is her sorry enough?

Apologies. We've all been on both sides of that coin I would imagine.  We've all done and said things that we needed to apologize for, and we've all had someone do or not do something that caused us harm that needed to be apologized for.  It is the human condition; failing each other in one way or another.  We all understand this condition. And, I will add, we usually know when we have done something or failed to do something that hurt someone. Psalm 51:3 "For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.  David said it so clearly.  For the most part we know when we need to make things right with someone.


What makes an apology work?  Is it merely up to the recipient to accept it at face value and go on?  Is there something more that helps to heal the wounds that made the apology necessary in the first place?

I found this on a google search.  There are those who say there are six steps to make a good apology.  This one has the bare bones.  We can start with "Im Sorry".  As I asked above, is this enough?  If we just say the words, are we conveying to the injured person that we understand what we did to hurt the injured one? This is important because the injured one is wondering will it happen again, does he/she really understand just what they did to hurt me?  It is also important the facial expression and tone of voice used to apologize.  If the "I'm sorry" is said under the breath or worse, in an angry tone, that conveys anger at "having" to apologize. It does not seem real, it isn't real.

The second step is important because it tells that we are taking responsibility for the injury.  THIS is very important so as not to lay blame to the injured party.  How many times have we heard "I'm sorry, BUT...".  I love the quote from Ben Franklin “Never ruin an apology with an excuse.” That is not an I'm sorry at all. This second step is also very important because the injured person needs to know, again, if the perpetrator really understands what was done to injure! If there is no clear understanding of just what was done to injure what on earth will insure that it won't happen again?

Third is the correction.  It must not be ignored!  If the third step is not followed then how does the injured person know of the sincerity?  Asking what can be done to make the injury right again.  Being ready and willing to make it right! This is a further statement that the perpetrator is taking responsibility and is so sincere they want to correct the situation to make it right.

There is biblical principal to this as we read in  Matthew 5:23-24 "So, what if you are offering your gift at the altar and remember that someone has something against you? Leave your gift there and go make peace with that person.  Then come and offer your gift."  This tells me how important it is to make thing right with the person that has been hurt. The perpetrator of the offense does not have the right to decide if the offense was important enough for an apology, a 3 step apology.

Being sorry, really sorry, is a powerful thing.  It can heal hearts and mend lives that are broken from the offense.  James 5:16 "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The earnest prayer of a righteous person produces wonderful results." When a soul sees the damage done to another and is truly repentant, much growth can occur.  I remember the story of the prodigal son and his repentance.  He did not expect anything from his Father but just hoped to be like a servant.  Look at David who committed adultery AFTER having Bathsheba's husband killed.  Read his beautiful prayer, asking for forgiveness of God in Psalm 51.  Notice the detail he goes into so that God can hear he understands his guilt.

It might be easy to apologize quickly and go on with life...until the same infraction occurs and the same hurts are heaped on a soul.  The second, third and so on time the same thing is done to a person chips more and more from the injured souls and it makes it harder and harder for them to believe in the apology; the apology given with no intent to change the hurtful, damaging behavior.  CHANGE is so important.  Once it has been made right, to continue in the same behavior is proof that the "sorry" so poorly and quickly given was not real.

I am reminded of a story I may have recounted before, but it is so clear HOW we need to change our behavior after a heartfelt apology is given.  I may not have all the details exactly right, but this is the story as I remember. When I was a girl my grandfather lent a car to a fellow church member who used the car and then the church friend stole it. Years later he came and found my grandfather and so sincerely apologized, with much heart...and, then, promptly got back in my grandfather's car and drove away. You see how a sorry can even sound sincere, but if behavior has not changed, it is worthless?

For our christian brothers and sisters apologizing and making things right will be the glue that helps us stay unified as Paul preached so often.  Why not take the time, and humble self if an apology, a sincere apology, is warranted.  What a beautiful gift after a hurt has happened! And, forgiveness...those injured souls need to be ready to forgive if asked. But, that is for another day!

GOD BLESS