CHURCH OR "INSIDE" RELIGION

I've heard the church compared to a hospital.  You know the concept...a hospital is for the sick, and the church is for those who are sick at heart (in need of salvation...or...healing). Jesus said it Himself in Matthew 11:28 - "Come to Me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest" Yep, I'm pretty sure Jesus wants us to come to Him.

 In exploring that idea I began to consider what goes wrong that causes so many people in my life (and I bet in yours too) that say they hate organized religion. WHY do they feel that way, and what can the church do to help them feel differently?  Again, I'm sure the reasons for not wanting to be a part of "organized" religion are as many as there are individual hearts out there...but I'm seeing, in my experience a general theme, and it disturbs me a bit.

The theme seems to revolve around having bad experiences within a body of Christians involve people misusing God's Word to benefit their agendas.  Gossip, elitism, shunning, judgmental words or actions, seem to be among the reasons some people choose to abandon "organized" religion all together.

I hear many tell that they don't need organized religion (and by that I am talking about Christians meeting together to worship) because they have religion inside themselves...meaning (I THINK) that they can worship God in their hearts and that is all they need.

I always cringe a little at the thought of "going it on my own" and even considering NOT being a part of the church God calls us to be a part of.  It makes me nervous...and from what I've studied it isn't all we are supposed to do...Hebrews 10:25 comes to mind EVERY TIME...- "not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but exhorting one another, and so much more as you see the day approaching" Ok, that is the part that says we need to be worshiping together...but, take a look at a big reason WHY we need one another in verse 24..."let us consider how we may spur one another on to love and good deeds"...well, there's one good reason why we are told to NOT FORSAKE.  But, what about being in a group of people with character traits or behaviors as I described a couple paragraphs above...in those situations that is WHY a person leaves a church...so, what else does God say about our worship of Him within a church?  Acts 20:7 - "On the first day of the week we came together to break bread, Paul spoke to the people, and as he intended to leave the next day he spoke until midnight" This teaches us that we are to "break bread" or take communion (a memorial in observance of Jesus that involves fruit of the vine and unleavened bread). On of the things we are to follow are examples set forth, and this example is set forth stating on the first day of the week...IF this were an in depth study of when we are to take communion I would go further...but, for our purposes today suffice it to say we have an example to follow that we are to take communion together on the first day of the week...Other scripture calls for us to be unified, or be of one mind...check out the following: Philippians 2:2; I Cor. 1:10.  These scriptures speak about how we are to be unified as a church...be of one mind...be like minded...loving one another...SO, from these scriptures and other study I know that God wants us to be a part of His church, for those reasons and to worship Him John 4:24. The bottom line is God wants this, so who am I to argue the point?

When people ask me why I would be a part of a church that has people in it that are gossipy, judgmental, elitist, and so on I can only respond that what those people are doing is NOT a part of the church that God created and set up for us...it is a system of people taking things with their own agendas and their own ugliness and distorting what God intended.  BUT, it does not relieve me of some of what God asked of me to do, which in this case is to worship Him in church...NOT TO FORSAKE.  I didn't say it, God did...who am I to distort what God asked me to do?  If I did, I would be no better than those inside who distort His word and intent by their ugly actions. Sigh...how many of us often feel like this little kitty...I know I DO!  I HATE confrontation, I hate feeling like I need to defend myself, and I just want to tell them to go away...what a heart breaking issue!!

OK...I've sort of talked around this issue...stating the problem, but not really having a clear answer...and here is the best one I have to date.  WHEN people gossip about you, TAKE that sin to them in private and tell them...Matthew 18:15 (as talked about in a previous post).  WHEN people say or do something that hurts you...well...MATTHEW 18:15...WHEN you are criticized or persecuted for doing what is right (can be seen as a form of bullying or elitism) I Peter 3:13-17...it is a long bit for this day, but take the time to read it...you will feel better inside yourself...AND REMEMBER our Lord was persecuted and killed because of our sins....The message I'm getting here is to be courageous and stand up for yourself and for what is right Deuteronomy 31:6 - "Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God goes with you, He will never leave you nor forsake you"


Right now in my life I feel a bit disheartened at how the church behaves toward people who are struggling.  I've had some very hurtful events that make me want to stay home and just "have God in my heart".  I try to speak up and be courageous...sometimes that has given a person a chance to save their souls by responding the way God asked them to...and that is WHY it was important for me to bring it to them...and sometimes...sadly, more often than not they either do not respond at all (a trait in abusive relationships...called devaluing), or they respond with more ugliness; which, is their problem, but it hurts just the same.  Never the less...I love God more than I am afraid, and I do my best to put on my sincerest heart and my smile and go to worship Him because that is what He wants of me...and as for those who I have yet to approach...I pray for courage...and I also pray for discernment...God does not expect me to stay in an unbearable situation...sometimes it means to shake the dust off my feet and move on...Matthew 10: 13-14 ; Matthew 7:6 still to worship Him, still to find a place to do that the way He asked me to; BECAUSE HE ASKED ME TO.  But he does NOT expect me to live with people wiping their dirty feet (or dirty intentions) on me...so, we have God give us ways to feel better, and find a better way within His commands and examples we are to follow.

I am NOT finished with this topic...except for the moment!

GOD BLESS YOU!

THE WRITING ON THE WALL...or I JOHN 3:18

This is a story about how a christian brother SHOWED me love one day by offering the side of his house...I'll never forget that gift, and neither will anyone else who visits him...:)

I am thinking a lot these days about how we can help or hurt our christian brothers and sisters by how we show love or lie about our love. LOVE of the brethren is all over the scriptures...I learned that when something is repeated in scripture; a concept, a commandment, etc. it is VERY important!  Now, I'm not saying all of God's words to us are not important...I'm just saying...GOD IS LOVE...I John 4:8 - "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love"...He gave us this wonderful thing called love and it is up to us to learn how to love by His example...and to practice it!  This awesome thing can be a tool of healing, generosity, a safe haven for those we are called to love.  What does the bible say...following are just a few scriptures on how we are to love one another...and then I'll get back to my story.

John 13:34 - "...love one another as I (Christ) have loved you..."

Romans 12:10 - "...be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves..."

Ephesians 4:2 - "...be completely humble and gentle, bearing with one another in love..."


Well, I could go on for awhile...take some time the next time you study to just look up scripture that refers to love of your brother...there is a lot.  What I learned from my study is that love is an action word...not just a word.  These scriptures above imply sacrificial love, devoted love, humility and gentleness in love...patience...those are things we show by how we act...right?...well, I can think of a time when I was low...angry at the world...and yes, even angry with God.  It isn't fair to be angry with The One who made us, who loved us SO much that He sacrificed His Son for us...but it happens...when we do not have our eyes above...and when life gets us down and we cave in to that horrible emotion that serves to destroy us and those around us if we don't put it where it belongs...in prayers of supplication... Philippians 4:6 - "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God"


A time of anger for me...life was hard, I was raising two little ones alone, people were a little hard...I was going to school and working a couple jobs and being there with my little kiddos and I went through an angry time.  I had a professor who noticed the difficulties my heart and physical life were encountering and he wanted to help.  One day after class he called me to his desk and said he'd noticed that I seemed to be in pain in my life and he said he wanted to help.  He told me he knew I was an artist and he had an idea for me to try. Call me intrigued...He said he was painting his house and wanted to know if it would help me get some of my anger out in a visible way by writing my every hurt, every angry thought, every devastation I encountered on his house in the new color and then he would paint over it.  HOW COOL WAS THAT!!

I was embarrassed at first and said no thank you, but I hadn't gotten but a few steps before I turned around and took him up on his offer.  Here was a brother in Christ that was reaching out to me in brotherly love; trying to help...and in a way that my artist heart could relate to...JUST THE THING I NEEDED...We ALL need the fellowship of our brethren...but only if it is presented as God wanted it...otherwise things can backfire big time...But, this man (an his wife was equally as wonderful) was trying to help...and in a very touchable way...they weren't just words...well, at least not yet...:)

So, I went...and, yes, I wrote every hurt, every angry word, every devastation I had endured or felt...ALL OVER THE SIDE OF HIS HOUSE!! I was honest with me...I took those moments and just wrote and wrote and wrote with my finger dipped in that paint can...with him on a ladder above painting his way down and erasing all that hurt and fear that had been building up for...well...EVER!  I have to tell you it was INCREDIBLE...it touched the artist in me who was and still is so visual...it got out the poison of hurt and feelings of rejection of the world and others of my own faith...and I felt so FREE of those things.  Nothing had changed but my writing on a wall...WAIT...yes they HAD changed...it felt good to get it out...but the thing that helped to replace such hurt in my heart was the reaching out in love of my christian brother!!  WHAT POWER this thing called LOVE that God IS and CREATED in this world!!  WOW...

I beg of you to NEVER underestimate how much value there is in reaching out to someone in love with intent to be there for your brothers and sisters who are hurting...It is the GLUE that holds us together through this very tough world!

Oh, yes...there is more to this story...After he had painted over and I had profusely thanked he and his wife (who graciously allowed this very creative expelling of my soul) and went my way...a little lighter...and smiling at the cool thing that I'd just done...and so happy that all those things I said were out...and covered over in love...(think about it)...WOW...and then...one day a few weeks later my professor called me to his desk again after class...grinning from ear to ear...

He told me that he was out in his side yard one day and talking to a college official that lived next door (this was a christian college mind you)...and they were talking about how nice the new color looked on the house...and having tea...and then...they looked closer...and lo and behold...you could STILL SEE what I'd written on the house!!!  HORROR!!!  EMBARRASSED!!!...My finger had caused a little texture and it had dried a little before he painted it over...I was so SORRY...and then in the midst of apologizing HUGELY I noticed he had tears in his eyes from laughing and he said..."Saundra, do not be embarrassed...and do not be sorry...for this is merely a reminder of the wonderful person I knew you were under neath all that hurt and anger"...and until the day he painted again he never covered it over...Now, THAT is brotherly love!

One more quick story of how love is supposed to be...Last year something happened with a brother in Christ that hurt me badly...both in my heart and trouble in my life.  I was SO hurt and angry at first...but the bible tells us to be angry and sin not ...Ephesians 4:26.  So, I waited and prayed about my anger and then I did as the bible tells us to do...I wrote him about my hurt and told him I was working hard at forgiveness...Matthew 18:15 - "If your brother sins against you go and show him his fault, just between the two of you, if he listens to you, you have won your brother over." and then I gave it to God.  He, not long after, SHOWED what Godly brotherly love is supposed to be by writing me back with a sincere heartfelt apology and an offer to do what ever it took to make it right...I responded with a sincere thank you and told him that by his Godly response he had healed my heart! HOW AWESOME is Godly love when we practice it the way God gave us instruction to do!

Oh yes..I bet you thought I forgot....I John 3:18 - "Dear children let us not love with words or speech but with actions and with truth."

You do not know who is watching you...who is needing you...take a moment and look around...you could save a soul today.

May God Bless You Today!

THE CONSEQUENCES OF OUR ACTIONS OR LACK THERE OF

DO YOU CHOOSE TO BURY YOUR HEAD IN THE SAND?

We all have choices about our behavior in any given situation.  It is a free country, and God gave us free will. God loved us so much and He created us; wanting us to come to Him and worship Him and bring as many to Him as we can. Obviously we would want to be in God's favor, but how does that apply in how we treat others?  Do we choose to ignore the pain of others?  Do we bury our heads in the sand in order to avoid dealing with difficult situations that come up with our brothers and sisters...our families...our friends?

Have you ever been in a situation with someone where their pain at something in their lives inconvenienced you or made you feel uncomfortable?  I'm sure we've all been there at one time or another...that's normal...but in these situations we have a choice to either be there for that person...a willing ear...a hug...an encouraging word...a card sent to say you are thinking of them... OR...we can choose to ignore it, move away from them, or just say it isn't your "thing" to be supportive in that way; any number of things that clearly gives the message that you can't be bothered with their pain.  I'm not saying we all have the same gift to give another person, but there are many things we can do to let a person know we are there and we care.
Matthew 25: 41-43 "Then He will also say to those on the left hand, 'Depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels: for I was hungry and you gave Me no food; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink; I was a stranger and you did not take Me in, naked and you did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me"  This speaks of a personality trait...heavy consequences.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GANGED UP ON OR GANGED UP ON SOMEONE...

let's call them the underdog...because most often that is the ganged up on one...
(I'm noting that the cat is nowhere to be seen...hmmm...)

Ok...we all know the stories of our youth...let's focus on our adult selves...We'd like to think that ganging up on someone is only the folly of the young, but we've all seen that behavior as adults...we see it on the news for sure...but let's get a little closer to home...have we ever ganged up on someone? Peer pressure happens at any age; it's just that as adults we are supposed to be adult enough to stand up and not take part.  It can happen in the form of gossip where the offended party isn't even there, or it can be more overt...right there in front of a person.  Galations 5:15 - "If you keep on devouring each other watch out or you will be destroyed by each other" noted in the verse just above we are told what is good "For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself?  We know what is right, but yet we fall to peer pressure or unfair judgment of another. Simple concepts, yet we let our worldly selves and our selfish needs take over.

I am thinking of that preacher and his wife that continued to brow beat me during those two hours in my post of the 11th titled "And History Repeats Itself"...how not only did they gang up on me with the person I was with, but they continued to squawk lies about me throughout a community I was a part of...I'm thinking of those friends of mine who ganged up on me and wrote me the Hello Dolly dear Saundra letter...I'm thinking of an entire community in school who followed me for years and yelled names behind my back...but let's get closer still...what about a spouse that uses strength or makes more money or whatever it may be that gives them the "power" in a relationship calling names, or bullying...what then?  You see...it applies across the board...God has a spirit of His word and His wisdom's apply in all these things.

Or do you know someone who just seems to be out to get you?  Have you ever had this kind of person in your life that you literally feel is just waiting for a chance to well, devour you?  Scary stuff, but in our world this exists.  I Peter 5:8 "Be self controlled and alert, your enemy the devil prowls about like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" Sheesh, this is devil stuff...this is serious bad mojo when someone tries to devour a person.  WHY?  WOW, I think there must be as many reasons as there are people with evil intent, but we are told to be self controlled...alert...that implies that we must know our enemy and be careful.  There is a woman on the outskirts of my life that has been that person I am alert about...she seems to have no boundaries...she feels it is her right to invade my life in ways that have brought about much destruction. She hides under the guise of kindness with those in my life, but I make no mistake, this woman has evil intent...most certainly brought about by a sense of self that smothers anyone in her way. To me these are the most dangerous of humans.  What I have tried could fill a little book...(I need to make sure I don't exaggerate)...I've tried to be nice...nope, she still does damage...I've tried to talk to her...well, in the form of a letter (I mean you MUST know those teeth behind this photo are HUGE) and she just blew it off saying she was confused...I've tried just letting her alone and living my life and letting her live hers...NOPE...she gossips about me and has cost me people in my life...and on it goes...so, I just pray harder that this person be somehow removed from my life so I can go on...AND, NO I DO NOT MEAN what that sounded like...:)  I'm thinking moving to another city...or finding an invisible cloak (hey, if it was good enough for Harry Potter)...that sort of thing...we shall see...The ONLY thing that gives me peace here is Matthew 10:28 "Do not be afraid of someone who could harm your body, they cannot touch your soul"...whew, thank goodness!! I'm also thinking of her...Matthew 7:1 says in paraphrase...you will be judged by how you judge"...oooohhhh spooky!!


But I have to be honest here...this woman scares me...she can do a lot of damage to my heart and my life...sigh...oops, I'm back to that!

 Yep, this is it...friends!!  True Friends...that is what it is all about if we are to help each other through this world...we NEED each other...this life can get dicey...can be heartbreaking...

Yep...I Peter 2:17 "Honor every person, love your brethren, worship God and Honor kings"

Love each other will ya!!

THE DEATH OF A CHRISTIAN WOMAN as told by an expert...A CHRISTIAN WOMAN

When you crush the spirit of a woman who strives to be a Godly woman, you kill what she can do and be for you and for God.  When you leave her afraid and broken; unsure of her place with you in this world you damage her ability to be effective in any area.

Proverbs 15:4 - "Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit."

A woman's heart lives foremost and forever tied to your impression of her.  She lives as God made her; a nurturing and gentle hearted spirit that wants to please and do what God made her to do.

                        Is your heart an ocean so strong and deep,

                        I may launch my all on its tide?

                        A loving woman finds heaven or hell

                        On the day she becomes a bride.  Lena Lathrop

I Peter 3:7 – “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

When you invalidate her talents by your harsh thinking of her and/or your blunt words to her you invalidate her humanity as God made her.

When you speak harshly to her because you want her to be something other than what God made her to be, you hurt her heart, and she is much less capable of doing what she was meant to do.

Colossians 3:19 - “Husbands love your wives and do not speak harshly to them.”

Again…I Peter 3:7

When you take away the intimacy that God told you she needed, you make her feel less than a woman; less human; less valuable in every area of life...for she is tied forevermore through the strings of what makes her woman...one string cannot be easily separated from another.  She is damaged. If you shred her dignity; you break her in ways you may not be able to repair.

When you leave her wondering why; when you tell her to shut up and leave you alone you take away the purpose she was created for as a wife.  When you take away her voice by responding cruelly or by not focusing on her fully when she needs you, you take away the only way she has of defending her heart; of expressing her sorrows; you render her virtually helpless. For a woman has only her voice to defend her against the slings and arrows.

Colossians 3:19 - “Husbands love your wives and do not speak harshly to them.”

When you tell her no other women would do or be or say what she just did or was or said you make her feel alien in this world; you leave her crippled.

When you lie to her you shake her belief in people; for in her heart you are her shining knight and if YOU of all people would do this to her; then what does she have to tell her it is safe anywhere; where can she go and still hold her Christian virtue and find the comfort and safety she so needs?

Proverbs 12:22 – “Lying lips are abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly are his delight.”

When you seem irritated or bored with her she feels inadequate; this leads to feelings of inadequacy in all areas. 

When she goes to bed alone night after night you are in effect telling her that whatever you are doing instead of being with her is more important.  She looses her value in your eyes, and eventually in her own.

I Corinthians 7:3-5 – “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

When a woman who seeks after God is not given her place with her husband that God created her for, her spirit dies and she can become more of what the world might value; hard in her estimation of everything.  She becomes independent in ways that are not healthy...survival becomes her main goal, and the ways she may seek to survive most likely will not be in alignment with what God wants her to do. For there is only one way that God said is right and good, and if her strength and safety and compassion cannot be found with her husband she will die; maybe not physically, but most certainly in all ways that God holds dear. 

A husband is given a gift in a Godly wife.  If he throws her away by not treating her as God commanded he has killed her in every way that is good and valuable.

Where is the voice for women like this today?  Where is the courageous one who will speak for these women who are waiting for someone who will have the voice that has been taken so thoroughly from her?  

If you know a woman who has come to you and asked for help and you do nothing you are in essence calling her a liar and you are a coward! If none are so courageous and she rises up and speaks then DO NOT in your lack of courage silence her.

Galatians 6:1 - "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted."

ON LOYALTY AND FRIENDSHIP

I've been thinking about loyalty and true friendship lately, and as always I think of them in terms of Christianity.  What kind of friend am I...what kind of friends do I want...and what does God say on the matter.

The best example we have for friendship is how Jesus would have done it and DID do it, and that leads directly to John 15:13 - "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends". Jesus washed the disciples feet; He laid down His life... This teaches us that our friendship is not based solely on what someone can do or be for us, (and I say solely here because to have a mutual friendship we have to have a mutual interest or connection to BE mutual friends) but what kind of friend can we be to them. We are told not to be selfish, and this applies to friendship as well. Philippians 2:3 says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." A most excellent example!

We have all failed at being the right kind of friend in one way or another in our lives if we are honest about it. If we can correct it, do it...if time has taken away that particular opportunity, then let it be a lesson that we learn so we can go on and be a friend that we know our Father would be proud of.

I had my first hard lesson about friendship when I was in Junior High (yes, I am old enough that it was still called Junior High instead of Middle School). I was "friends" with a boy who sold drugs. I didn't KNOW that (I was a VERY naive young lady), but my school administrators did. One day those administrators came to me and told me that this boy was selling drugs to my little brother and sister who were in grade school...well, not TO them, but they were in danger. They asked me to buy drugs from him and bring them to the office if I wanted to save my little brother and sister. WOW, I didn't want my siblings to be in danger, so with my naive little self I did just what they told me to do. I was so PROUD to have saved them! What I learned the next day shaped my entire life...and to this day I cringe a little when I hear the word NARC. I got a quick education that in the world that was a VERY BAD THING TO BE! For the next 4 years I was taunted, spit on, my life threatened...EVERY place I went this type of thing came at me. I walked in the halls with that word chanted behind me...it was a devastating time and I learned to NEVER show fear or upset as a survival tool. My parents had to follow me around at school for part of a year to make sure I was safe. Those things were horrible, but the worst thing of all was my "friends" all left me. We have to understand that kids can be cruel, and that peer pressure is HUGE at that age...so it isn't the same as in the adult world as far as maturity goes..(well, sort of...) .but the effect was damaging all the same. The WORST part of it all was one day I came home to a note pinned to my front door. It was a POEM describing how bad I was and wrong I had been to the tune of Hello Dolly. I may not remember the exact words, but I remember the tune and the message was in short...we aren't your friends anymore...and it was signed by my "friends".

At THAT moment I understood how important loyalty in friendship was. At THAT moment I understood the damage that words could do. At THAT moment I felt ALONE. Yes, WORDS CAN hurt and damage and shape a human being. James 3:3-6 talks about the destruction that comes with our words...
3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal.4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
We should have loyalty as part of our friendships. Loyalty is a strong quality...the bible equates it to a relationship with a brother...(you know that concept..."I can pick on my brother, but don't let anyone else do it!!") Proverbs 18:24 - "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Loyalty is the glue that holds us together and in this world it is a rarity. How many of your acquaintances would you feel were completely loyal to you? This tells me that we may know a good number of people, but only trust your deepest thoughts with a true friend that has the quality of loyalty...and that doesn't come over night...it takes time...so beware of sharing too much too lightly as it will cause...well...ruin!

We learn more from the bible about friendships...Proverbs 17:17 - "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity". What does that MEAN? Well, I understand it to mean that a true friend will love us as we are...warts and all so to speak...but OUR responsibility is to be the same friend to them...accepting all their warts and to work to not be a friend who is bitter. We need to be able to communicate honestly and openly with kindness.

I took the following RIGHT out of a christian website I found called Christianityabout.com...I couldn't have said it better...
The scripture is from I Corinthians 13:4 - "Love is patient,love is kind...it does not envy"...If you feel smothered in a friendship, something is wrong. Likewise, if you feel used or abused, something is amiss. Recognizing what's best for someone and giving that person space are signs of a healthy relationship. We should never let a friend come between us and our spouse. A true Christian friend will wisely avoid intruding and recognize your need to maintain other relationships. ie: YOUR MARRIAGE! This is SO important to remember...my parents reminded my husband and I of Matthew 19:6 when we got married..."So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." This means NEITHER one of us are to put the other asunder either...and that includes friends...NO FRIEND SHOULD EVER INTERFERE WITH A MARRIAGE...IF THEY DO...THEY ARE NOT TRUE FRIENDS!! LIKEWISE...NO SPOUSE SHOULD EVER PUT A FRIEND ABOVE A MARRIAGE!!

and, finally...(If you have more I'd LOVE to hear it!) I have one more thing that relates to friendships...it is found in Proverbs 27:6 - "Wounds from a friend can be trusted ..". If you have a true friend...IF that friend is indeed true and they see something that needs to come to your attention that would benefit you...listen to them...love them...let them gently help you...and be the same for them...ONLY TRUE friends can do this...and should!

GOD BLESS

SILENCE ISN'T ALWAYS GOLDEN

The silent treatment.  Yep, we all know what that is.  Have you ever been a victim of the silent treatment?  Have you ever inflicted this punishment on someone you love?  I bet we could all say yes to both at one time or another in our lives.  In either case it isn’t pleasant; and further it is wrong.

Silent treatment is actually in the dictionary.  The definition from Webster’s on line dictionary reads as follows.  NOTE the Antonyms at the bottom.

Definition of SILENT TREATMENT: an act of completely ignoring a person or thing by resort to silence especially as a means of expressing contempt or disapproval

Examples of SILENT TREATMENT<ever since our run-in at the party she's been giving me the silent treatment>

First Known Use of SILENT TREATMENT 1947 (NOTE: I might beg to differ here…J…I mean humans are humans…and the devil has no new tricks up his sleeve…so, MERELY my opinion, but I bet it’s a been goin on a LOT longer!)

Related to SILENT TREATMENT

Synonyms: brush-off, rebuff, repulse, cold shoulder, snub

Antonyms: open arms

Related Words: dismissal, kiss-off, rejection; banishment, blackball, ostracism

Near Antonyms: acceptance, embrace, welcome; glad hand, welcome mat

In fact, look at all the related and opposite words.  It gives one a pretty clear picture.  The silent treatment is bad; not healthy; not kind; not gentle. The Antonyms give us the real picture of the destruction that the silent treatment can and does inflict on a person by forcing us to imagine what it is like to live without those good things.

I invite you to Google “silent treatment” and read through the thoughts associated.  I did just that this weekend and learned (as if we don’t already know) that the silent treatment is a form of abuse.  It has devastating effects on a person.  It causes physical pain, it causes depression, it causes a person to feel isolated and rejected.  Even by the world’s standards it is something that is seen as a wrong way to behave towards someone.  When you give someone you care for the silent treatment you are in effect saying “You aren’t worth my time”.  It is a selfish act; meant to only protect self at the expense of someone else.  In what universe is that ok?

The silent treatment is different than the cooling off period we all need from time to time.  But, when that “cooling off period” drags on for more than a day it becomes a sinful and destructive act.  In Ephesians 4:26-27  the inspired by God Paul wrote “In your anger do not sin.  Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”  I have heard the argument that this is not a literal phrase.  That we should look at the basic principle.  Let’s not even deal with the fact that those people who are looking to make it less REAL or less a responsibility for a person to get hold of themselves.  Let’s look at the Godly perspective here…the principle of the thing.  The first statement is clear…”in your anger do not sin.”  This shows us that when we are angry (the precursor to giving someone the silent treatment) we are to behave using Godly principles…we all know the scriptures about treating your brother with love.  Read  I Corinthians 13 for one.  If your behavior reflects the opposite of this you have your answer as to whether you are sinning against your brother or not.

The very next statement is “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry”.  WHY?...Because it will give the devil a foothold!  EVEN if you are or have heard the argument that one day is not literal and we can be angry for more than a day…the principle is still there.  If you are angry for long and you don’t resolve it the devil will have his much longed for foothold.  Just what is the collateral damage to giving someone the silent treatment, for letting the devil have a foothold.  Well, there are the devastations I mentioned above and further it is hurtful to a person’s core!  What is the first way a person usually reacts when they are hurt that badly?  What is one manifestation of hurt?  ANGER…yep, more anger.  The person inflicted with the punishment of the silent treatment from someone they love is first to FEEL hurt, rejected, ostracized, PUNISHED, and then, when it goes on this person can easily let that hurt be realized by ANGER! That is hurt turned outward!  And, then, you are not only dealing with the original cause of the silent treatment, but time has gone by and you begin to get angry and then all sorts of offenses from the past can creep in and it can destroy people if it goes unresolved!  WOW, after thinking about this would any of us want to let the sun go down on our anger and risk destruction of even more of a self, a relationship?  Is your pride so important to you that you would risk this?  And, for all those out there that say Paul is not talking about a literal day…hmmm…think back to when you were in a vulnerable state and someone you love shut you out of their lives for more than a day…How did that feel? Then, consider what the Godly Perspective is. 

If you still hold to your stubborn stance that YOU have a right because you are still angry, or what is the use I’ve heard it all before, or WHATEVER your excuse is to continue the silent treatment punishment on someone you care for consider Matthew 7:2 “For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure YOU use, it will be measured to you”  And, if there is anyone who reads this that does not believe that you are judging a person by giving them the silent treatment (OR EVEN A NEAR SILENT TREATMENT…COME ON…YOU GET THE POINT)…(stay with me here…this next part may sound confusing)  tell me what GODLY justification you can make for making someone feel as has been described if it isn’t sitting in judgment for something he/she did that you don’t agree with?  

I have to admit, I could find NO humor in this subject at this time…I apologize that it sounds so harsh.  It is a harsh subject.  I hope and pray that we can find the Godly Perspective; the Godly Principle in this and most definitely resolve to find more Godly; non-destructive ways to find resolution to our differences.  Matthew 18:35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless your forgive your brother from your heart”

AND, HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF...

Yes, It has been a LONG time since I last posted here.  This blog has been on my mind, but for certain reasons I didn't feel I should post, but I am led to continue in hopes that what I have to say, what scriptures I may find, could help someone, somewhere...so, here goes...

This is about the age of my two most precious children the last time I was "kicked out of a church"...I spoke of that story in the November 22, 2010 post so I won't repeat...but I've been thinking about that time a little lately as I've run in to yet another wall.  I've been thinking of
I Peter 3:16-17 "Having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.  It is better, if it is God's will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil"

At one time or another I find myself searching out souls that may give wise counsel on top of my own wisdom (that I have prayed for) James 1:5 " If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him" .in order to find balance, JUST in case I may be using tunnel vision.  Such was the case not so long ago.  I called our new preacher and asked if myself and another person that needed the counsel as well could come by to study a scripture. This preacher had taken over for the one that was in the congregation that kicked me out...but they told me they were not aware of what happened back then...CAN YOU SEE MY FIRST MISTAKE IN THIS SCENARIO?...anyhoo...on with the story...

The problem I was having with this other person in my life had been going on for quite some time and I was seeking simple study to help us find a scriptural baseline with which to begin again...

Long story short, for two hours we never opened the bible...it became a witch hunt for lack of better terminology...and I was the "witch".  I found myself defending myself; explaining things that I should not have had to explain...things which had nothing to do with the subject at hand...I kept trying to stop it and kept repeating "We are just here to study a subject, not for counseling"...sigh...all the while I kept screaming inside..."Just stop Saundra..."...but it took me two hours to get to the point where I stood up and said I needed to leave; that this is not what I had asked for, not what was told to me we were going to do. The things they said had made the situation worse, and there was NO scriptural basis for their behavior.  sigh again!

Needless to say it was a bad deal all around.  I was so upset, and not sure why a preacher would refuse to open a bible and study...that was a first for me.

After that encounter, and after much thought about the approach these two people had taken with me I realized they had an agenda that I was not aware of.  I should have been smarter in my choice and as I began to look at their behavior in unrelated matters I was kicking MYSELF for not being smarter.  My only defense was...how can someone mess up opening a bible and studying God's word...silly girl!

The story doesn't end here...I decided that with that type of judgement and ugliness, on top of some other concerns I had with them about they way they approached studying with people and baptizing them that it was not a good place to be, so decided at that time to stay away from that congregation for a time and refill my pitcher...meaning...heal my jangled nerves and heart!  The other person in this story decided to continue going there which was a problem...sigh...trying to keep names out of this story!

The next Sunday I got a call from this preacher's wife.  She was not calling to apologize but to ask for more information and tell me how wrong I was...?  WHAT?...call me confused!  I told her what I felt had gone wrong and told her I was very upset and was trying to get some space from the situation so I could handle things properly.  Be angry and sin not Ephesians 4:26...

THAT didn't stop it...a few days later I got a letter from her.  It was more an avenue she took with which to beat on me some more...and I found out that the preacher who had been a part of the kicking my children and myself out had told them about me and said not to welcome me back...THERE WAS A LIE IN THERE...they had previously told me they had no knowledge of what had happened to me back 21 years earlier...She began to offer unsolicited advice and to tell me I was wrong...and to explain that it is ok for preachers to share things about their church members...

There were so many judgments in that letter I can't begin to name them...but the point is what was the purpose of that letter?  Are we not told to love one another...John 15:17, are we told not to gossip Romans 1:29b-32, are we  told not to lie and what God thinks of those who do Colossians 3:9? 

Further I have since found out that there have been many judgmental and slanderous things said about me that as far as I can determine have stemmed back from that event some 21 years earlier!  I didn't know it, but I was judged and talked about and was essentially dead in the water from the beginning!  how many times can a girl sigh!

I wish I would learn that people are people, and IF they do not let God lead their lives this will happen over and over...I think I have learned it.  It makes for a lonely life if one wants to live a Godly life and have fun with his fellow Christian brothers and sisters...

My response to all of this will be no response at all.  Why?...well, I've learned the sinful nature of all involved, and I've learned they are only out for information with which to judge and treat me harshly.  I've learned that what they did had nothing to do with the way God commanded us to be with one another.  I need to get to a place where I can love their souls and pray for them  Matthew 5:44.  I see wolves in sheeps clothing...I see that because I have chosen not to give juicy details that will be spread about I will be judged.  But, I was thinking the other day about Jesus; who we are to try to be like; and He never defended himself.

I'm sure this will lead to more discovery as time goes on...so, pray for me, pray for people in this world who misapply scripture to excuse their own bad behavior...and move forward...move forward...Love God, Love your brother's souls, live with all men peacefully as you can... Romans 12:18.


God Bless!